Alcoholics On Vacation

One time early 80s, Elwood came by the bunker in Moroseville to see if I wanted to go with him on a little tour of the Northeast. I said, Sure, of course, so off we went. Elwood had one condition, that I not smoke cigarettes in his car, a nice, light green '63 Belvedere, like they don't make anymore. Americans made quality rides in them days but them days is long gone. I was still a Camel smoking man then so I told him, Well, okay, Woods, but we're going to have to pull over now and then so's I can get a fix. We both happened to be on the wagon because there was a stupid amount of drinking going on in those days. It was killing us, nearly literally. So, we called the jaunt "Alcoholics On Vacation."

Every time we pulled over so I could smoke a hump, Elwood pulled out his hash pipe. After a number of times of this, we got to laughing so much in the car, it got ridiculous. He had to pull over at one point for laughing alone.

First stop was a wedding reception, on top of Fort Hill in Boston, a neighborhood that was being gentrified at the time, guys buying old brownhouses and such and fixing them up nice inside, like they'd been when built. So, we show up and there's a whole bar's worth of various liquors there but wasn't anyone drinking enough to talk about.

Turned out our reputations had preceeded us and that the liquor set up was for us! We were, like, "You got any club soda or like that?"

We ended up in Buck's County, PA, the ancestral stomping ground. Capt Garbage was resident there at the time, living in his little Airstream trailer he called Mr Potato Head. I'd give anything to have one of those stashed under cover as a retirement plan but alas, I do not. Garbage was driving a cherry, yellow pickup at the time, with a booming-loud stereo in it, speakers under the seat vibrating our asses down the road. He was spinning some kind of funk, I don't remember what, loud.

Elwood says, What's dis?

Garbage told him but I can't remember what.

Elwood says, You got any Fats Domino?

Garbage says, You know, the trouble with you boys is you're stuck in the 50's.